Don't Mess With The Lawn Ornaments

My mom lives in a senior citizen complex that she calls "the compound." Just like everyone else on Long Island in the northeast, we just had a whopper of a storm. Trees were uprooted. I mean whole giant trees, and crime tape surrounded block after block, but go to my Mom's complex, they only lost a few pieces of siding, but that's it. Why is that strange? Because there is about a katrillion lawn ornaments throughout that complex.

We're talking everything from ceramic deers with bows around their necks to bunnies with knitted hats, kittens with sad eyes, a squirrel winking and holding an acorn, and a duck I personally gave to my mother that sits in front of her house with a series of holiday outfits (she says she hates him but personally I think she enjoys dressing him up).  Nothing was cracked, smashed or broken. Nothing even chipped.

And of course, there is the mascot of all the lawn ornaments, Old Salty, that greets people as they come into the complex. A first mate of sorts, a concrete Gorton Fishermen type of lawn ornament, that would be impressive if it's eyes didn't sort of follow you as you drove into the complex.

Now Old Salty was not the original greeter of the complex. Initially it was The Captain, a feisty old sea farin' concrete fellow that someone found at, I believe, a garage sale, and painted and set with great pride at the entrance of the compound. But as sailors will do, he went a wandering....or in this case, perhaps was spirited away or dare I say had his mainsails hoisted away.

A lawn ornament snatching causes major hysteria. Everyone was being questioned. People wringing their hands, crying, putting fliers up (all except my mother who rolled her eyes and said, Are YOU serious??" No one ever found out what happened to The Captain. It remained a mystery for most of the residents at the compound.

When it became apparent that The Captain had moved on to other ports of call, he was replaced with Old Salt. Not as attractive as The Captain to be sure, but with his rain gear, Old Salt did his best. But to ensure that he would never move from his place of dignity next to the STOP sign, he was chained, that's right chained to a wooden lighthouse and a security sign was placed threatening serious repercussions to anyone who tried to abduct another lawn ornament from this sanctioned ground.

So there, in the eye of the Nor'easter, Old Salt stood his ground (although being chained to a lighthouse, really, how much choice do you have?) But what of the bunnies, the deer, the duck and the squirrel? Do they not deserve chains? Do they not deserve protection from these elements?

Apparently not. These are tough critters---much like their owners. These lawn ornaments stood their ground despite the fierce winds and pelting rain. Fences blew past them, trees uprooted in front of them, but never, never did their little ceramic smiles waver. They continued to guard their patch of grass. Proudly, with their little knitted hats flapping in the wind, they stared Mother Nature in the face and dared her to do her worst.

After surveying such little damage to my mother's complex and theory began forming. The innocent looks of these ceramic faces. The odd circumstance that none of them had actually moved. Now my personal view is that The Captain was not spirited away by vandals as believed by the residents of the compound.

No one is speaking up but there has been speculation, rumors. You can tell the concrete geese are uneasy: the deer with the bow is trying to cover something up and the dancing resin frogs in gardening hats know something they're not telling.

All I'm saying, is that Old Salt being chained to a lighthouse might be more than just a security precaution---it may be self preservation. That's all I'm suggesting.